[0]. Introduction : yes, you are normal -- The true story of sex -- The organization of this book -- A couple of caveats -- If you feel broken, or know someone who does -- Part 1. The (not-so-basic) basics -- 1. Anatomy : no two alike -- The beginning -- The clit, the whole clit, and nothing but the clit -- Meet your clitoris -- Lips, both great and small -- Hymen truths -- A word on words -- The sticky bits -- Intersex parts -- Why it matters -- Change how you see -- A better metaphor -- What it is, not what it means -- 2. The dual control model : your sexual personality -- Turn on the ons, turn off the offs -- Your sexual temperament -- What "medium" means -- Different for girls, sometimes -- What turns you on? -- Can you change your brain? -- 3. Context : and the "one ring" (to rule them all) in your emotional brain -- Sensation in context -- Sex, rats, and rock 'n' roll -- Liking, wanting, and learning -- You can't make them -- "Is something wrong with me?" (answer : nope) --

Part 2. Sex in context -- 4. Emotional context : sex in a monkey brain -- The stress response cycle ; fight, flight, and freeze -- Stress and sex -- Broken culture → broken stress response cycles -- Complete the cycle! -- When sex becomes the lion -- Sex and the survivor -- Origin of love -- The science of falling in love -- Attachment and sex : the dark side -- Attachment and sex : sex that advances the plot -- Attachment style -- Managing attachment : your feels as a sleepy hedgehog -- Survival of the social -- The water of life -- 5. Cultural context : a sex-positive life in a sex-negative world -- Three messages -- You are beautiful -- Criticizing yourself [equals] stress [equals] reduced sexual pleasure -- Health at Every Size -- "Dirty" -- When somebody "yucks" your "yum" -- Maximizing yum, with science! part 1 : self-compassion -- Maximizing yum, with science! part 2 : cognitive dissonance -- Maximizing yum, with science! part 3 : media nutrition -- You do you --

Part 3. Sex in action -- 6. Arousal : lubrication is not causation -- Measuring and defining nonconcordance -- All the same parts, organized in different ways : "this is a restaurant"-- Nonconcordance in other emotions -- Lubrication error #1 : genital response [equals] desire -- Lubrication error #2 : genital response [equals] pleasure -- Lubrication error #3 : nonconcordance is a problem -- "Honey, I'm nonconcordant!" -- 7. Desire : spontaneous, responsive, and magnificent -- Desire [equals] pleasure in context -- Good news! : it's probably not your hormones -- More good news! : it's not monogamy, either -- "Why can't I just take a pill?" -- It might be the chasing dynamic -- "Sex worth wanting" -- Sharing your garden --

Part 4. Ecstasy for everybody

8. Orgasm : pleasure is the measure

Nonconcordance : now with orgasms!

No two alike

All the same parts

Your vagina's okay, either way

Difficulty with orgasm

Impatient little monitors

Ecstatic orgasm : you're a flock!

How do you medicate a flock?

Flying toward ecstasy

9. Love what's true : the ultimate sex-positive context

Why confidence is not enough

Step 1 : your feelings are always true

The map and the terrain : a tool for reality checking

Step 2 : the hard part (or, how to "nonjudging")

Nonjudging 1 : "no good reason"

Nonjudging 2 : healing trauma

Nonjudging 3 : pain

Nonjudging 4 : pleasure

Nonjudging 5 : mourning the "shoulds"

"To feel normal"

[10]. Conclusion : you are the secret ingredient

Why I wrote this book

Where to look for more answers

Appendix 1 : therapeutic masturbation

Appendix 2 : extended orgasm.