Dave Barry's money secrets: like, why is there a giant eyeball on the dollar?

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Did you ever wish that you really understood money? Well, Dave Barry wishes that he did, too. But that hasn’t stopped him from writing this book. In it, Dave explores (as only he can) such topics as:
• How the U.S. economy works, including the often overlooked role of Adam Sandler
• Why it is not a good idea to use squirrels for money
• Strategies that will give you the confidence you need to try for a good job, even though you are—let’s be honest—a no-talent loser
• How corporate executives, simply by walking into their offices, immediately become much stupider
• An absolutely foolproof system for making money in the stock market, requiring only a little effort (and access to time travel)
• Surefire tips for buying and selling real estate, the key being: Never buy—or, for that matter, sell—real estate
• How to minimize your federal taxes, safely and legally, by cheating
• Why good colleges cost so much, and how to make sure your child does not get into one
• How to reduce the cost of your medical care by basically not getting any
• Estate planning, especially the financial benefits of an early death
• And many, many pictures of Suze Orman

But that’s only the beginning! Dave has also included in this book all of the important points from a book written by Donald Trump, so you don’t have to read it yourself. Plus he explains how to tip, how to negotiate for everything (including bridge tolls), how to argue with your spouse about money, and how much allowance to give your children (three dollars is plenty). He also presents, for the first time in print anywhere, the Car Dealership Code of Ethics (“Ethic Seven: The customer is an idiot”). Also, there are many gratuitous references to Angelina Jolie naked. You can’t afford not to buy this book! Probably you need several copies.
What kind of financial shape are you in right now? This scientific quiz will show you.
Be honest in your answers: If you lie, you’ll only be lying to yourself! The place to lie is on your federal tax return.

What is your annual income?
1. More than $50,000.
2. Less than $50,000.
3. However much I get when I return these empties.

Not counting your mortgage, how much money do you currently owe?
1. Less than $10,000.
2. More than $10,000.
3. Men are threatening to cut off my thumbs.

How would you describe your portfolio?
1. Conservative, mainly bonds and blue-chip equities.
2. Aggressive, mainly options and speculative stocks.
3. My what?

When analyzing an investment, what do you consider to be the most important factor?
1. The amount of return.
2. The degree of risk.
3. The name of the jockey.

How do you plan to finance your retirement?
1. Savings.
2. Social security.
3. Sale of kidneys.
—from the Introduction: “Why You Need This Book”
Also available as a Crown eBook.
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ISBN:
9781400047581
9780307345370
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Grouping Information

Grouped Work ID89b8ca09-0b5f-7f92-7bbb-d36b4f549cfd
Grouping Titledave barrys money secrets like why is there a giant eyeball on the dollar
Grouping Authordave barry
Grouping Categorybook
Grouping LanguageEnglish (eng)
Last Grouping Update2022-12-06 03:40:40AM
Last Indexed2022-12-06 04:05:40AM

Solr Fields

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Barry, Dave
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Mission Viejo
display_description
Did you ever wish that you really understood money? Well, Dave Barry wishes that he did, too. But that hasn’t stopped him from writing this book. In it, Dave explores (as only he can) such topics as:
• How the U.S. economy works, including the often overlooked role of Adam Sandler
• Why it is not a good idea to use squirrels for money
• Strategies that will give you the confidence you need to try for a good job, even though you are—let’s be honest—a no-talent loser
• How corporate executives, simply by walking into their offices, immediately become much stupider
• An absolutely foolproof system for making money in the stock market, requiring only a little effort (and access to time travel)
• Surefire tips for buying and selling real estate, the key being: Never buy—or, for that matter, sell—real estate
• How to minimize your federal taxes, safely and legally, by cheating
• Why good colleges cost so much, and how to make sure your child does not get into one
• How to reduce the cost of your medical care by basically not getting any
• Estate planning, especially the financial benefits of an early death
• And many, many pictures of Suze Orman

But that’s only the beginning! Dave has also included in this book all of the important points from a book written by Donald Trump, so you don’t have to read it yourself. Plus he explains how to tip, how to negotiate for everything (including bridge tolls), how to argue with your spouse about money, and how much allowance to give your children (three dollars is plenty). He also presents, for the first time in print anywhere, the Car Dealership Code of Ethics (“Ethic Seven: The customer is an idiot”). Also, there are many gratuitous references to Angelina Jolie naked. You can’t afford not to buy this book! Probably you need several copies.
What kind of financial shape are you in right now? This scientific quiz will show you.
Be honest in your answers: If you lie, you’ll only be lying to yourself! The place to lie is on your federal tax return.

What is your annual income?
1. More than $50,000.
2. Less than $50,000.
3. However much I get when I return these empties.

Not counting your mortgage, how much money do you currently owe?
1. Less than $10,000.
2. More than $10,000.
3. Men are threatening to cut off my thumbs.

How would you describe your portfolio?
1. Conservative, mainly bonds and blue-chip equities.
2. Aggressive, mainly options and speculative stocks.
3. My what?

When analyzing an investment, what do you consider to be the most important factor?
1. The amount of return.
2. The degree of risk.
3. The name of the jockey.

How do you plan to finance your retirement?
1. Savings.
2. Social security.
3. Sale of kidneys.
—from the Introduction: “Why You Need This Book”
Also available as a Crown eBook.
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Book
eBook
format_category_aurora
Books
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89b8ca09-0b5f-7f92-7bbb-d36b4f549cfd
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9781400047581
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Book
last_indexed
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Non Fiction
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Essays
Non Fiction
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814.54 Bar
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Aurora Public Library
owning_location_aurora
Mission Viejo
primary_isbn
9781400047581
publishDate
2006
publisher
Crown
Crown Publishers
recordtype
grouped_work
subject_facet
Finance, Personal -- Humor
Money -- Humor
title_display
Dave Barry's money secrets : like, why is there a giant eyeball on the dollar?
title_full
Dave Barry's Money Secrets Like: Why Is There a Giant Eyeball on the Dollar?
Dave Barry's money secrets : like, why is there a giant eyeball on the dollar? Barry, Dave.
title_short
Dave Barry's money secrets
title_sub
like, why is there a giant eyeball on the dollar?
topic_facet
Business
Essays
Finance, Personal
Humor (Nonfiction)
Money
Nonfiction

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